Month: August 2023

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Parenting Articles

Long bathing time, eczema will become problematic and requires a long time to heal

August 2023

Written by：YEUNG Ming Ha, Registered Chinese Medicine Practitioner

 

Recently, a parent uploaded pictures of their daughter suffering from eczema on a social media platform. Looking at the little girl’s red and swollen hands and feet, and her skin all irritated, indeed, it’s heartbreaking. As a result, parents all over the city are now sharing their secret remedies to deal with eczema because many of them or their children are also affected by eczema, and they often suffer during seasonal changes.


Eczema is a common allergic dermatitis and is not contagious. In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), eczema is referred to as “wet sores” and is a prevalent skin condition in Hong Kong. The internal factors contributing to eczema include the individual’s constitution, emotional state, and dysfunction of the body’s organs, while external factors involve wind, dampness, and heat obstructing the skin. When a person has a weaker constitution and a lower immune system, wind, dampness, and heat pathogenic factors may invade the skin, resulting in eczema or exacerbating existing eczema issues. Eczema can occur on any part of the body, such as the ears, head, face, hands, navel, and lower legs, but it usually appears symmetrically. Patients often feel intense itching, and scratching can lead to skin abrasions, oozing of pus, and even infection. The condition tends to recur, making the skin rough and the scabs raised. To deal with eczema, it’s essential to start by addressing these three small habits:

 

Shorten bathing time.

When eczema flares up, patients often can’t resist scratching. Hands are the most susceptible to bacterial contact and harbor the most microorganisms. Therefore, it’s important to avoid the habit of frequently touching the face to prevent exacerbating skin inflammation. Additionally, patients should refrain from using products with high alcohol content frequently, as the chemical components can irritate and weaken the skin’s natural barrier. Furthermore, due to the itching sensation on their skin, patients tend to wash their hands and take long baths, mistakenly thinking it can relieve itching and provide a sense of cleanliness. However, excessive cleaning can actually damage the skin’s sebum layer and stratum corneum, compromising the skin’s natural protective barrier and worsening eczema problems. Therefore, it is recommended for patients to shorten their bathing time, ideally not exceeding 3 minutes. At the same time, they should choose hypoallergenic skincare and bathing products to minimize irritation to the skin. For severe cases of eczema, it is suggested to only cleanse the armpits, lower body, and areas prone to sweating.

 

Here, I am introducing an anti-allergic formula: The ingredients include Fang Feng (防風) 6 qian, Ku Shen (苦參) 6 qian, and Sheng Gan Cao (生甘草) 3 qian. Boil them with strong fire for 30 minutes, then use it to rinse the sensitive areas. It has excellent moisturizing and itch-relief effects.

 

Good lifestyle and hygiene habits.

Patients’ living environment needs regular cleaning, and they should frequently change bedsheets and close-fitting clothes. Moreover, patients should wear loose and cotton clothes, avoid wearing tight clothes made of wool, and ensure no chemical residues like detergents remain on their clothes. Regarding daily routines, patients should go to bed and wake up early, avoid staying up late, maintain a balanced diet, exercise adequately to boost their immune system, and reduce the chances of triggering eczema. After exercising, they should immediately wipe away sweat and change into dry clothes to keep the skin clean and dry. Of course, the most crucial aspect is maintaining a positive mindset to reduce stress.

Dietary Restrictions Effectively Prevent Eczema

The onset of eczema is closely related to certain food sensitivities, so dietary restrictions are essential in the treatment of skin sensitivity. During the treatment of skin diseases, patients should avoid consuming “triggering foods.” “Triggering foods” are those that can induce rashes and worsen the condition in skin disease patients. These triggering foods mainly include seafood, beef, sweets, spicy foods, and alcoholic beverages. Skin diseases are often caused by the accumulation of “dampness” and “heat,” leading to the formation of “toxins.” Patients with skin conditions usually have a constitution characterized by congenital weakness of the spleen and stomach. When they consume excessive amounts of spicy foods, shrimp, crab, seafood, and other highly stimulating foods, or when they consume a large amount of raw and cold food during the summer, it can lead to the accumulation of damp toxins in the body. This can easily cause abnormalities in spleen and stomach functions, increasing the likelihood of developing eczema.

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A good son is not hard to find, but a good mother is difficult to come by

1390628252

August 2023

Written: New Horizons Development Centre,

Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah

 

I once overheard a conversation between two mothers, and I wonder if the readers can relate to it. One of them said, “You’re so lucky! You have a well-behaved baby, but I wasn’t that fortunate…” Some mothers may believe that a child’s behavior is largely determined by their innate qualities. However, the truth is that postnatal nurturing is equally crucial, and a mother’s ability to grasp effective discipline techniques and maintain a stable emotional state can have a significant impact on their child.

 

When a mother wants to criticize or teach her child, she must first ask herself if she truly understands the underlying reasons behind the issue. Is there any room for improvement on her part, or can she find alternative ways to address the problem, rather than attributing everything to “good luck” or “bad luck”? There’s a saying, “When there is a master, there will be exceptional talents.” Many parents hope their children will achieve great success, but in reality, helping an ordinary child to thrive is not difficult, especially in today’s society, which advocates diversified development. Children have more opportunities to showcase their talents. While the past society revered “prestigious” professions like doctors and lawyers, as society transforms, people also appreciate excellence in design, arts, and other fields. Most importantly, as a mother, whether you seize the chance to carefully discover your child’s strengths is crucial.

However, good children also need good parents to nurture them. Although today is an era of gender equality, mothers still play a crucial role in the parent-child relationship. If a mother wishes to effectively educate her child, she must invest more time in participating in relevant parenting courses, listening to different experts’ opinions, such as educational psychologists, social workers, or other educators, to learn how to analyze the child’s situation and provide the most appropriate educational methods and assistance. Additionally, parents can join some parent support groups, or take the opportunity to stay in touch with other parents, exchange ideas and observations, share experiences and methods of educating children, which will be of great help to mothers in how to teach their children.


Therefore, if you want your children to succeed, as a mother, you must lead by example, strive to do what you should do, and actively learn disciplinary skills for children. Please remember: children come not to “take revenge” on you but to “repay kindness” to you. In the process of learning to discipline children, a mother can learn even more than what she teaches her child. While imparting knowledge and learning to educate children, she herself also benefits in knowledge. Moreover, the challenges encountered in the process are a test of patience and inner qualities for the mother, contributing to life experiences and understanding of life.


The title at the beginning of the article was “Good children are not born that way,” so in conclusion, I summarize with one sentence: “Good mothers are not born that way either.”

Parents need to learn the “language of love.”

August 2023


Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education


In a study conducted earlier, it was found that nearly sixty percent of children felt that their parents did not communicate with them using the language of love, and nearly half of the parents tended to use authoritarian and indifferent approaches when disciplining their children. In fact, the mode of parent-child communication is crucial for establishing a strong parent-child relationship. In this article, I would like to share the results and recommendations related to this survey.


According to research in well-known psychology studies in the United States, parents’ disciplinary styles can be categorized into the enlightened type, which utilizes the “language of love,” and the authoritarian, permissive, and indifferent types, which fall under the category of “non-loving languages.” Based on the responses from children, only forty percent of parents were considered as the enlightened type in the eyes of their children, while one percent fell into the permissive type. The remaining nearly half of the parents were classified as either authoritarian or indifferent types, with the proportions being twenty-seven percent and twenty-two percent, respectively.




The survey also revealed significant discrepancies between parents and children’s ideals and realities in three different situations, with academic performance being particularly severe. Sixty-two percent of children expected their parents to adopt an enlightened approach in handling academic performance, but in reality, only thirty-seven percent of parents fell into this category. Similarly, there was a significant gap between parents’ ideals and realities. Only four percent of parents believed that they had an authoritarian relationship with their children in terms of academic performance, but in reality, thirty-one percent of parents were categorized as “authoritarian.” This reflects the difficulties parents face when dealing with their children’s academic performance and how they unconsciously resort to “non-loving languages.” Nowadays, many parents excessively intervene in their children’s studies, sparing no expense in arranging numerous learning activities and various tuition classes, aiming to keep their children at the forefront of learning. This has led to numerous conflicts between parents and children and even emotional distress.


As parents, we should cultivate the habit of using the “language of love” because the more we utilize positive words such as praise, encouragement, care, acceptance, appreciation, and affirmation, the more our children will understand that our discipline includes both love and boundaries, helping them grow into individuals with self-esteem and confidence. The author believes that most parents’ intentions behind their words to their children are for their children’s good. However, inappropriate words cannot only harm the parent-child relationship but also lead children to rebel. On the other hand, appropriate words can make children willingly accept and do their best.


When communicating with their children, parents are advised to:

✧ Use kind, praising, and encouraging words.

✧ Provide positive guidance.

✧ Praise the child when they do well.

✧ Pay attention to the child’s responses and consider their own reactions.

✧ Even when saying “no,” avoid using negative language.


Children are two different beings at home and school？

August 2023

 

Written by: Dr. Szeto Wing Fu, Chairman of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education 

 

A teacher asked me, “Many parents seek my advice on education and disciplining their children. As a new teacher with limited life experience, I often feel inadequate in dealing with complex education policies and child-rearing issues. What should I do?”

 

Every semester, the school arranges one or two opportunities for parents to meet with teachers and discuss their children’s performance at school. As a father, I always strive to attend these meetings together with my wife. After each brief gathering, our son would eagerly ask and want to know what we discussed with the teacher about him. Recently, the teacher mentioned that our son is relatively quiet at school, not very proactive, and often takes on the role of an “observer.” My wife couldn’t wait to say that he is completely different at home, very active and full of “many opinions.” The teacher’s reaction was not surprised but rather smiled continuously, seemingly very accepting of the fact that children can present different sides at home and at school.


 

My wife naturally looked at the teacher with expectant eyes, hoping to get some guidance on how to make our child more proactive in the learning environment. Fortunately, I spoke a few “fair” words, recalling how our son was fearful and often a “lone ranger” when he first started school last year. Over the past year, our evening prayers with our son have always included a request to our Heavenly Father to make him braver, and this year he has made much progress. On the way home, I also reminded my wife that there are no standard answers or miraculous remedies for many things, and the teacher, being younger than us and not yet a parent, still has experience in dealing with different children. Therefore, it is most important for parents and teachers to communicate more on the children’s journey of growth.

 

Embracing Our True Selves

Recently, a parent asked me: “My child is very well-behaved at school, a courteous and exemplary student, but at home, he often throws tantrums. Why does he have such different behaviors in front of others and at home? How should I handle this?”

 

During the first semester of my son’s primary one, there were two consecutive weeks of “inexplicable” incidents, such as his beloved “Sergeant” watch going missing, books found in the trash bin, exercise books doodled and torn. My wife and I were both baffled and still wanted to unravel the mystery in our hearts: who could be behind these incidents?

 

On Monday morning, my wife went to the school to discuss the incident with the teacher. However, just before leaving, I firmly told my wife, “No matter the doodles, tears, or books being treated as garbage, I am certain that our son didn’t do any of these.” She asked, “Why are you so sure?” My answer was, “Because he is my son, and I have been with him as he grew up. I know his temperament like the back of my hand.” Eventually, it was found that his neighboring classmate was responsible for those actions. Since that day, I noticed a “subtle” change in our child’s behavior between school and home – at school, he seemed to have learned that it is a community: crossing certain boundaries with books would upset classmates, and the teachers were like referees, and to “survive” he had to understand the “rules of the game.” But when he came home after school, he would immediately embrace his true self, because at home, he had his dad and mom, who understood him the most.

 

In fact, isn’t it true that in the adult world, we also have a different self during the day and at night?